hollowed out

nice avatar huh? this is my friend's avatar. ichigo in half hollow mode. he edited the original picture and added quite a few effects to it, presumably using photoshop. he's been a proud user of this avatar for months already. in fact, ever since he started msn-ing me asking question about our problem sets, he already had this avatar. that makes it a few months already. i seriously think it's damn cool lar!

right???
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anyway, i'm very stressed nowadays. so many things left undone yet my mind refused to start working at all. i mean, completely refused! even for modules that i completely like. probably that's because i'm assured of one failed grade this semester. sad huh? it's a module that i hated most on nanoscience. i already wanted to drop that module but i didn't because i already had groupmates for the project then. i guess i didn't want to disappoint them. but it was seriously a big mistake on my part not to drop it immediately. sigh. well, if there's one thing i learnt from this module is that when i keep telling myself that i should be dropping a module, i should just fucking drop it.

sorry for that. i told you i'm stressed. but thanks to roy, i felt better a bit. i was so stressed that i spent half an hour sitting on a swing on eei-block's rooftop. half an hour liao! that's damn long. anyway, roy was there. he was telling me not to give up hope yet. if i got 3 As, i should be okay already. after all, i'm not the kind of person who'll be chasing after first class honours. don't get me wrong. i want to get first class honours. but i'm not desperately after that. after all grades only bring you so far. cheh.

i seriously don't understand how some people can stand mugging upside down hours after hours just to chase grades. well. i remembered i did exactly the same thing last time (in sec 3). tiring really. i guess i'm just not the kind who'll be studying like crazy.

oh. talking about that, yesterday, i was reminded of my notoriousness during sec 3. a friend of mine came and tell me that a guy (from my secondary school) came to watch the dance performance i had a week ago. he happened to be the same batch as me. he told my friend that i was a chao mugger. i didn't deny i was. i was a freak! yea, you got that? i was a freak!

but that freak wanted to tell you one thing, and just one thing:

grades do not bring you happiness!

i was never happy then. never at all. now i am. well, kind of. minus all these stressed up period.
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when do you know you like a girl?

somebody tell me! when the hell do i know that i like a girl? is it when you started having heartache after not seeing her for quite some time? is it when you keep wanting to bump into her somehow somewhere? is it when you've to muster all your courage to simply call or knock on her door? is it when you started talking about her to your friends?

crap bag! shit. if those were the criteria, i think i like a girl then. hmm.

my friends thought i should forget about it until after exam. i think so too. but you see, the first two points up there stated that i will have difficulties if i didn't see her for too long. contradictory huh? but i guess i should really wait. anyway, you know what? i might not be all that bad advising other people about love. but when i am involved, i'm such a crybaby. i mean, i always think that i stand no chance. and it's the same this time. i think i stand no chance.

so may as well forget it right? NO. i got jerked into reality when my friend told me that if i kept feeling like a loser when it's about girls, i may never get another girl for the rest of my life.

as a tribute to myself, i would like to dedicate myself a paperbag by fiona apple. this song shows how a girl feels when she loved a guy. sadly the guy just doesn't get the hints. i couldn't say i'm experiencing the same thing, but well, you think about it yourself lar!

oh, although the song is about a boy, don't worry! i'm not turning gay, i think. just replace all the he with she okay?

Paperbag
Fiona Apple

I was staring at the sky, just looking for a star
To pray on, or wish on, or something like that
I was having a sweet fix of a daydream of a boy
Whose reality I knew, was a hopeless to be had
But then the dove of hope began its downward slope
And I believed for a moment that my chances
Were approaching to be grabbed
But as it came down near, so did a weary tear
I thought it was a bird, but it was just a paper bag
Hunger hurts, and I want him so bad, oh it kills
'Cause I know I'm a mess he don't wanna clean up
I got to fold 'cause these hands are too shaky to hold
Hunger hurts, but starving works, when it costs too much to love
And I went crazy again today, looking for a strand to climb
Looking for a little hope
Baby said he couldn't stay, wouldn't put his lips to mine,
And a fail to kiss is a fail to cope
I said, 'Honey, I don't feel so good, don't feel justified
Come on put a little love here in my void,' he said
'It's all in your head,' and I said, 'So's everything'
But he didn't get it I thought he was a man
But he was just a little boy
Hunger hurts, and I want him so bad, oh it kills
'Cause I know I'm a mess he don't wanna clean up
I got to fold 'cause these hands are too shaky to hold
Hunger hurts, but starving works, when it costs too much to love
Hunger hurts, and I want him so bad, oh it kills
'Cause I know I'm a mess he don't wanna clean up
I got to fold 'cause these hands are too shaky to hold
Hunger hurts, but starving works, when it costs too much to love
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anyway, remote jamming video here at YouTube! i just uploaded it this morning. damn good! my professor showed it to us. sonic arts and sciences. how exciting! but i still have two things to do before class later. i hope i got time to finish those two things.

another video here, about a tragic love story. slam showed it to me yesterday. cheh! why must show me this kind of story? make me sad only. at the end, i searched for the video again and watched it twice yesterday night. if you weren't feeling depressed and you think you can take some form of depression, go watch it.
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i just changed my desktop picture from that bleach picture (which bleach picture you say? the one with all the vaizards in colour) to a photo of my hiphop group taken during dance night day two. kinda miss them, all right. some of us still call some of us with the nicknames we gave each other that night. celia and tx called me with that nick yesterday, and i called them with theirs. sure kena scold by celia lar! some more her nick is one of the worst around.
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Q: could you post a photo of yourself?
A: there! on the right! that's my photo. nehh, just joking. no, i couldn't. isn't guessworks fun? as long as the few people who knows about my blog don't talk around crapping around about how bad i am really (from reading this blog), you'll have hard time finding out who am i. but nevertheless, throughout the few posts i have, i bet you could have narrowed the names down to one or two. if you narrowed it down to one, good for you. it's highly possible.
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hmm, i shall end up with this lyrics, which i found by sheer fortune at shili's blog. it's an original song written by The Rachels for their jam-x performance earlier this year. i remembered we were so concerned about wg's wrist during our training because he had his jam-x thing that time. hmm. good old days.

btw, i just realised that i only have the instrumental version of this song. the recording was not exceptional, i think they did it in rockers room. but it's not bad really. i should try to get the full lyrics version later on.

A World Less Ordinary
The Rachels

On a dark and moonless night
At the bar, a vision filled my sight
Armani suit thru smoky haze
Hint of stubble, Hugo aftershave

You got my mind in a swirl
But you've got eyes for only men like you
Hey boy, you rock my world
But tell me, do you rock his world too?

Lucy's got an unconventional dream
Of being her own movie star
Naughty lingerie fantasies
Men lusting for her near or far

Sonny's 'bout to be a man
Diane's a woman who's seen the world
They make the most unlikely pair
But then again, they don't really care

(Prechorus)
Is it nothing more than a fool's bluff?
Nothing more than a wrong temptation?
Are we all just disillusioned?
It's all in reverse

Chorus
How do you belong to
A world less ordinary
There's nothing you can do
In a web of irony

Contradiction
Abberation
A world less
Ordinary

In this world where wrong seems right
With sins and lust to surrender
A lil of black, a lil of white
And a whole lot of grey all over

Faceless strangers come and go in a blur
Like butterflies from one flower to another
If three, four or five is never enough
Is it the end of unconditional love?
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while surfing online, i found a long lost link to an old friend LC. that reminded me of something important. sigh. and that's called hall application results. yes. the hall application results is out. her bf, who happened to be a friend of mine too, didn't get into the hall of his choice (obviously: my hall). recently, i've always seen him very dejected and all. he got into Ridge View. but he told me that he's thinking of going to eusoff since LC stayed there anyway and LC should be able to bring him in. LC is, afterall, quite famous and active in eusoff. sigh. he got 45 points leh! that's like this year's cutoff point. another point and he'd be a happy young man (well, not really, a lawyer-to-be always have too much work at hand).

all the best kl! hope you got back into this hall or eusoff. made me feel kinda awkward. i'm a phantom and yet i got to stay. he's not, yet he didn't.

anyway, something interesting here! i couldn't resist the urge:

LC wrote:

4 new couples this academic year, and all were involved in a certain committee. Now I know that committee tends to, um, foster bonding and camaraderie between its members, but this is just ridiculous. 4 of them? 8 people? It took them THIS LONG to hook up? 2 of those couples are barely a month old. Hello, you had like the ENTIRE school year since August to hook up and it takes you 6 months?

damn funny arh! and cheesy. long time never read this cheesy blogging style anymore. congrats lynn, you just found yourself another fan (well, an old long-lost fan that is). oh, for another fuckin' cheesy entry, go read this one, especially if you loved James Blunt. i almost vomited blood after laughing so hard.