i wish

What You Own
RENT OST

MARK
"Hi. Mark Cohen for Buzzline... Back to you Alexi. Coming up, vampire welfare queens who are compulsive bowlers."

Oh God, what am I doing?

Don't breathe too deep
Don't think all day
Dive into work
Drive the other way
That drip of hurt
That pint of shame
Goes away
Just play the game

You're living in America
At the end of the millenium

You're living in America
Leave your conscience at the tone

And when you're living in America
At the end of the millenium
You're what you own

ROGER
The filmmaker cannot see

MARK
And the songwriter cannot hear

ROGER
Yet I see Mimi everywhere

MARK
Angel's voice is in my ear

ROGER
Just tighten those shoulders

MARK
Just clench your jaw til you frown

ROGER
Just don't let go

BOTH
Or you may drown

You're living in America
At the end of the millenium
You're living in America
Where it's like the twilight zone

And when you're living in America
At the end of the millenium
You're what you own

So I own not a notion
I escaoe an ape content
I don't own emotion- I rent

MARK
What was it about that night

ROGER
What was it about that night

BOTH
Connection- In an isolatiing age

MARK
For once the shadows gave way to light

ROGER
For once the shadows gave way to light

BOTH
For once I didn't disengage

MARK
Angel- I hear you- I hear it
I see it- I see it
My song!

MARK (On the phone) ROGER
Alexi- Mark One song-glory
Call me a hypocrite Mimi
I need to finish my
Own film Your Eyes
I quit!

BOTH
Dying in America
At the end of the millenium
We're dying in America
To come into our own

And when you're dying in America
At the end of the millenium
You're not alone

I'm not alone
I'm not alone

amazing musical. i think i won't do any justice describing it here. just watch it. RENT is really good. very liberal, very touching. imagine that you're mark, and all your friends are going to die one day soon due to AIDS. and you'll be left alone. imagine you're collins, at angel's funeral, his gay cross-dresser partner, who died also due to AIDS, while you yourself is going to die soon because of the same disease. imagine you are roger, living after your girlfriend committed suicide as she found out that both of you are HIV positive. imagine, the difficulty of accepting a new girl into your life.

imagine this bunch of friends. together, facing obstacles and difficulties in alphabet city, an avant-garde artists district in new york.

Dying in America
At the end of the millenium
We're dying in America
To come into our own

And when you're dying in America
At the end of the millenium
You're not alone
---

i'm sorry. i'm not in a very good mood. in fact, i'm slipping into depression again. sigh. just received a terrible sms. and i don't feel like doing anything anymore. what a life. i don't even feel like writing. i need to rest. sigh. but i couldn't sleep. i need to finish my reading, but i couldn't concentrate. i need to study for tomorrow's quiz, but i can't put anything into my brain. i wish...

what could i wish for? there are so many things. but what exactly do i really want to wish for. i can feel myself slipping into another world. a world that doesn't exist in reality. i exist in a dream world; a world where everything is surreal.

i need life support. i wish...

There's only us
There's only this
Forget regret
Or life is yours to miss
No other road
No other way
No day but today

i wish i've this philosophy. i wish i could live with this philosophy. but i know i can't. when i do things, i feel like i'm doing them for nothing. i feel that i'm falling down, crashing down to the ground. it's a sad feeling, as if dying is so much better than living. and it's the saddest thing you can think of.

2006. i wish this year is over soon. this is the worst year of my life.

i wish...

I’ve got something up my sleeve that I don’t want to show you
Cause every time I bleed I make a fool of me
I’ve got shaky little fingers, that hold on to your grip
You’ve got wrapped around my world
So tight that I can’t breathe
I’m suffocating

We come crashing down
Every time we go this far again
We come tumbling down
Every time we go this far again
Every time we go