you gonna be just fine!

Let fuck be a set of alphabet containing only one symbol: fuck.

i.e. fuck = { fuck }

Consider the set

fuck* = epsilon U fuck U fuck * fuck U fuck * fuck * fuck U ...
Let this set-starred be a basis for language L, i.e. L is a language formed over fuck*.

Let P be a program representing the current state of my mind. P will then be represented by the longest string w in L.

Proof.
We will prove by contradiction. Say that P is represented by any string s, where s is shorter than w. Then I would not feel as fucked up as I am now. Therefore, s must equal w.
[QED]

and people say that maths can't describe emotion. yea right! that's a totally wrong idea. the current state of my mind can be described by the mathematics above. those maths were written in the nick of time since i really feel bloody frustrated and pissed now. beyond what i've ever felt before. my blood pressure is rising again. my brain and chest is numbed out.

what the hell! of all things, must this be the one you fucked around with? can't you see that i'm bloody pissed? if you can't, go dig into that puny brain of yours and get that bits of logic out. if you still can't see that, maybe i should just go and tell you to fuck off. you are lucky i'm not that mean in real life. if only i were as straightforward as some other people i've met in my life, you'd be royally fucked right then.

sometime i wished that i'm not as soft-hearted as i am. i do. sometime i wish i could just told a person off without thinking too much and then refrained from doing so. i wish that you'd be able to read this. then you'll know how much you just pissed me off. but i doubt you'll read this. so yea. exactly why i wrote this here. otherwise i may as well tell you off the hook and screw you on the spot. you just lost another human, no, packmule, man! get that?
---

about two hours later...

calmed down already. sheesh. i thought of not posting those things i wrote above. but then again, may as well. it's rare that i've got the chance to spill such emotion out. rarer still for me to write such a piece of beautiful maths ;). cheh. i should just don't care completely. i'd be better off that way i think.

oh, don't get me wrong k? although i did say that i'm soft-hearted and whatnot, that doesn't mean i won't explode at all in front of the person that pissed me off. i have high tolerance that's for sure. a damn high tolerance in fact. but there were a few people who successfully bridged that tolerance level. and they WERE royally screwed. and no, not just those act angry or angry a bit here and there, or ignoring you or what, but completely explode like an earthquake (an imagery related to my weight and size too ;)).

anyway, enough of this. hopefully this will be the last time i got this angry.
---

oh, btw, i watched the a block command videos to help me calm down. damn funny lar! my sour face is turning into a big smile through watching those videos.

anyway, talking about sour face, here is a definition of sour grapes, a phrase that a friend of mine keep using slightly out of context. although i must say, that my own definition (not the one that follows this) is also out of context.

sour grapes
pl.n.

Denial of the desirability of something after one has found out that it cannot be reached or acquired.
[link]

thanks for the videos roy. you saved me from a sleepless night.
---

i like the designs from CSS Zen Garden. They are damn nice and calming too. Come, let's see a few good designs:

Dark Rose
Mozart
Wilderness
Vertigo

omg! vertigo is so far the best i've seen. it really inspires me to change the design of this blog to something on that line. it's not hard to create and yet the design itself emanates pure grace and beauty in its simplicity. the colour tone of the design is so classic. sepia colour with scraps from old hand-written papers and some architectural picture on the left. the resulting design is damn classic. maybe, when i have the time, i'll use it for this blog's design.
---

8:45PM

i don't know why (well, actually i kinda guess why). but i feel so empty now. and hungry too. had project meeting this morning. at ten. i couldn't really sleep last night. thinking of a lot of things. then, i got some design revelation. most of which i already forgot. but i remembered one nice web design i thought about before i sleep. i hope i'll still remember when i need it. anyway, initially i wanted to sleep at four, but at the end i slept at near six. sigh. so i guess, the videos and the song didn't help much (i got myself a new song yesterday night).

project meeting. was fun. if only khai told me that she'd be playing badminton before the meeting. i want to play! she played with yaoyao in the morning, both are my nanoscale classmates. anyway, project meeting was okay. we done finished everything, but little things (I done touched on everything, but little boys--eminem, just lose it). i even took a nap at KEVII lounge, the place where we did the project. not bad lar that place.

then came back at 2pm. watched underworld evolution in my computer. not bad. kate beckinsale. i just realized that i just downloaded TWO of her movies consecutively and put them in one folder. no, i didn't like specifically choose movies by her. it just happened coincidentally. serendipity and underworld evolution. eh? since when vampires also had sex. that part is lame. but the story in general is quite entertaining. a lot of fightscenes, as expected. the enemy dies too easily though. making the two main characters look super powerful. blade is definitely better of course.

i went to sleep for three hours to catch up on my lack of sleep. sigh. that's when i started to feel empty. shit lar. today was raining. so apt. the sky colour today was a reflection of the inside of my heart. grey. dull.

Rain

along with a dull grey sky
my heart sink into a depth
unfathomable by my mind
reality sped away from me
leaving me empty
devoid of happiness

rain...
stop bombarding my heart
isn't enough?
that the sky turns gray
and the world left me?
must you add to all these?

cheh, i think i'm just a bit crazy nowadays. i mean, it's been a damn long time since i wrote such things. and here i am writing these damn things twice in the past week. first time, now emotion. i should try to be happier. and i could be. it's not that hard really. i should program something. or do essays. or what. that will lighten my mind. should. yes, i should. cheh. until 28. just 28. i'd be happier. yes i would. suddenly this song becomes very apt. i never know i have so many songs that suit my mood at different time of my life. so cool!

Would You Be Happier?
The Corrs

Have you ever wonder where the story ends, and how it all began, I do (I do, I do, I do, I do)
Did you ever dream you were the movie star with popcorn in your hand, I did (I did, I did, I did)
Do you ever think you're someone else inside, when no one understands you are (you are)
And wanna disappear inside a dream but never wanna wake, wake up...
Then you stumble on tomorrow, and trip over today

(Chorus)
Would you be happier if you were someone together
Would the sun shine brighter if you played a bigger part
Would you be wonderful if it wasn't for the weather
You're gonna be just fine (gonna be just fine)

Are you not afraid to tell your story now, when everyone is done it's too late (too late, too late)
Was everything you've ever said or done not the way you planned, mistake...
So you promised that tomorrow, be different than today

(Chorus)
Would you be happier if you were someone together
Would the sun shine brighter if you played a bigger part
Would you be wonderful if it wasn't for the weather
You're gonna be just fine
I think you're gonna be just fine
You're gonna be just fine
So don't worry baby

You're racing for tomorrow, not finished with today

Would you be happier if you were someone together
Would the sun shine brighter if you played a bigger part
Would you be wonderful if it wasn't for the weather
I think you're gonna be just fine

Would we be happier if we were someone together
Would the sun shine brighter if we played a bigger part
Would we be wonderful if it wasn't for the weather
I think we're gonna be just fine
I think you're gonna be just fine

Don't worry baby
Gonna be just fine
Don't worry honey
Gonna be just fine
Don't worry baby
Gonna be just fine...


my favourite album in the past. i like more than three quarters of the songs. really worth the money. well, the corrs used to be my favourite band, of course. so that might explain. they are so irish and melodic. and free too!